Washing Your Wife's Mouth Out With Soap - Christian Domestic Discipline

Mouth Soaping in Christian Domestic Discipline

The bible gives repeated, clear warnings about the destruction that our words can bring. We are warned against corrupting talk, vulgarity, deceitfulness, gossip, disrespect, and quarrelsomeness.  Given how much damage words can cause, it is no surprise that many Christian Domestic Discipline husbands set rules against profanity, lying, disrespect, and other related offenses. A common punishment for breaking these rules is mouth soaping – a punishment that truly fits the crime.

Safety First

Many brands of soap can cause irritation and intestinal discomfort. You should only use soap that is fragrance free and nontoxic. When delivering this punishment, take precaution to make sure that the soap isn’t swallowed.

How to

While there are quite a few approaches you can use, we’ve found the following two options to be the easiest and most effective.

Domestic Discipline Mouth SoapingBar Method (for bar soap)

Get a new bar of soap damp but not overly wet. Instruct your wife to open her mouth. Use the bar of soap to apply a coating of soap to her tongue, lips, and front of her mouth. Lightly grind the bar of soap against her front teeth. Place the bar of soap about halfway into her mouth, instruct her to bite down, and remain still for a period of time ranging from 1 to 5 minutes. Ensure that she is angling her head forward so that any soap runoff goes out her mouth, not down her throat. When the time has elapsed, remove the bar of soap. You may choose to then move on to another punishment like spanking or cornertime, or you may allow her to rinse and spit.

Domestic Discipline Wash Mouth Out With SoapWashcloth Method (for liquid soap)

Dampen a clean washcloth and apply one or two pumps of liquid soap. Work into a lather. Instruct your wife to open her mouth. Thoroughly wash her tongue, lips, and the front of her mouth. Place the washcloth partially in her mouth, and instruct her to bite down, and remain still for a period of time ranging from 1 to 5 minutes. Ensure that she is angling her head forward so that any soap runoff goes out her mouth, not down her throat. When the time has elapsed, remove the washcloth. You may choose to then move on to another punishment like spanking or cornertime, or you may allow her to rinse and spit.


Christian Domestic Discipline Mouth SoapDIY Mouth Soaping

Mouth soaping is a punishment that can be administered even when you and your wife are not in the same location. The punishment can be self administered, with proof that it was carried out provided via video or photo, or even live via Facetime or Skype. This is a handy way to deal with an issue when you might be traveling or otherwise away from home. Instruct your wife to follow the instructions above for the bar soap method, and to provide proof of punishment per your specifications.

Sour or Hot

Instead of soap, you may choose to use a drop of hot sauce, a lemon wedge, bitter candy, or other unpleasant but edible substance. The technique is very similar – have your wife hold the unpleasant food in her mouth for a period of time to drive the lesson home.


We’d love to hear from you! Do you use mouth washing or similar punishments in your Christian Domestic Discipline marriage?



Writing Lines for Punishment in Christian Domestic Discipline

One of the most effective punishments for ensuring that a lesson is learned is a writing assignment. Whether used on its own, or in conjunction with other consequences, a well thought out writing assignment can drive the point home like nothing else.

Writing Punishments are Effective

You’ve probably seen evidence that reinforces the age old idea that women are better at multitasking then men. A recent study from the National Academy of Sciences helps to explain the difference in how God made man and woman. Women’s brains are designed to facilitate maximum activity in the intuitive processing modes, resulting in a default state of continuous partial attention. This state of constant multitasking is a wonderful gift from God, as it is what allows women (in general) to excel in raising children, managing a household, navigating social situations, and other activities that require rapid context switching and multitasking.

This predisposition to multitasking means that, by default, your wife has a thousand things running through her mind. While that’s normally a fantastic thing, a lesson to be learned through discipline when the brain is fully focused on the lesson being learned. Enter the Reticular Activating System (or RAS).

The Reticular Activating System in our brains acts almost like a transmission for our attentiveness. The RAS regulates attention – from sleep to wakefulness, and from continuous partial attention to intense focused attention. Effective discipline triggers the RAS to shift into intense focused attention through either a removal of external stimuli (i.e. cornertime), an overloading of the pain receptors (i.e. spanking), or an activity that requires undivided attention to detail (i.e. writing lines).

How to Assign a Writing Punishment

An effective writing assignment is one that requires 100% focus. Because of this, a best practice is to require the assignment to be completed in pen with perfect penmanship. Set the expectation that anything that is not written perfectly will be redone twice.

Many Christian Domestic Discipline couples use a dedicated notebook for all writing assignments, so that they can be referred to later. Others prefer loose paper that is disposed of when completed.

The quantity of the assignment will depend on your wife. Over time, you will begin to have a feel for how long it will take her to complete an assignment of a certain length. But when getting started, you may want to time her writing a sample sentence, and then use that to determine an effective length of time that fits the crime, as well as an appropriate deadline for completion.

When your wife has completed the assignment, it is to be presented to you for your review and approval. Do not be shy about demanding that incorrect or sloppy writing be redone – it will ensure maximum focus during future writing punishments.

Example Assignments

  • Copy Psalm 141:3 fifty times
  • Copy Proverbs 31:10-31 in its entirety five times
  • Using three different color pens, copy the sentence “I will never text while driving again.” 100 times, switching colors every fifth word.
  • Write apology letters (not to be sent) to each person harmed by breaking this rule
  • Research an assigned topic related to the rule broken, and write a 5 page original essay, citing at least three sources

We’d love to hear from you! How are you using Writing Assignments in your CDD marriage? Comment below!


Writing Lines for Punishment in Christian Domestic Discipline

Cornertime in Christian Domestic Discipline

As the old saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. As time out 2husbands leading Christian Domestic Discipline marriages, our goal should be to prevent major issues by getting in front of them whenever possible. We should aim to intervene before an issue gets so bad that a spanking is required.

To that end, I humbly submit the following hypothesis – I believe that cornertime is woefully underutilized in most domestic discipline relationships.

For clarity’s sake, I’m not referring to cornertime that occurs before or after spanking. While that is absolutely a helpful part of a spanking ritual, in this case I’m referring to cornertime that is “stand alone” (pun intended).

Cornertime Prevents Small Issues from Turning Into Big IssuesLPyZpf6

I’m a big believer in addressing small problems before they become big problems. With cornertime, we can intervene when we see early signs of a problem before it grows into something that warrants a more severe consequence like spanking.

For example, let’s say that you have a rule about disrespect. One day, your wife wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. She doesn’t quite cross the line into being disrespectful, but you can tell by her body language, tone, and remarks that this is where it’s headed. Cornertime gives you a convenient tool to address the small problem before it gets bigger, and gives your wife the opportunity to change her trajectory that will otherwise land her over your knee.

Common Cornertime Positions

On one hand, cornertime is beautifully simple – your wife quietly faces the wall for a period of time. On the other hand, there are many different variations on this simple consequence. I will walk through a few common flavors of corner time below.

Just the Basics1498023208

The most rudimentary form of cornertime consists of having your wife stand in the corner of the room, facing the wall. She is to remain silent and still with her arms at her side, as if standing at attention. She must face the wall for the entire time, as part of the value of cornertime is the opportunity to tune out all distractions. If your room does not have an empty corner, a empty spot of the wall works as well. Cornertime can range from 5 minutes to up to an hour – but in most cases, should be 15 minutes or less.

Hands on Headwww.pinterest.com

This extremely common variation of cornertime takes everything explained above with one change – rather than standing with her hands at her sides, she stands with her hands clasped on or behind her head. This variation is especially useful for wives who fidget during cornertime.

Sitting or KneelingPicture1

Not all cornertime has to take place standing. When longer cornertime is what is needed, having your wife sit down allows for an effective consequence but saves her feet from prolonged standing. The inverse is true with kneeling – when only a short cornertime is possible, having your wife kneel facing the wall will make each minute more impactful.

Holding Coin to the Wallpenny-nose-corner-time

This variation is popular among husbands (and equally unpopular among wives) when their wives have trouble staying facing the corner. To resolve that problem, have your wife hold a penny against the wall with her nose, which will force her to remain still and facing the wall.

Cornertime Anytime, Anywhere

One of the benefits of cornertime is that it can be a very discreet consequence, which makes it ideal for when you want to deal with a behavior but don’t have privacy at the current moment – maybe you have kids running around at home, or you are visiting family, or you are out shopping at the mall. Cornertime allows you to deliver a consequence right then and there (even if you intend to deliver another consequence later when you are alone).

You can discreetly do cornertime at home even with kids and/or guests over. In our house, if I see signs of behavior that are going to turn into a bigger problem but the kids are still awake (which is often the case), I’ll discretely tell my wife that she needs to go upstairs for a bit. She knows what that means – she’ll go up to our bedroom, close the door, and go stand in the corner until I come up a while later to let her know she is done.

You can also do cornertime while at someone else’s house – we use the same method as above, except for instead of going to our room my wife will excuse herself, go to the bathroom, lock the door, and stand facing the wall until I text her that she is done. (It is best to keep these sort of cornertimes to just a few minutes, lest anyone think your wife needs a referral to a good gastroenterologist.)

Finally, you can deliver a variation of cornertime even when you are out and about. While not truly cornertime, it can be quite effective to send your wife to go have a seat in the foodcourt if she is being unruly at the mall. (Just be sure to take her phone first!)


Cornertime as Part of Another PunishmentDY5wzub

I’ve spent a lot of time talking about cornertime as a punishment on it’s own, but I’d be remiss if I also didn’t explain some of the different ways that cornertime can be used to enhance another consequence.

Cornertime can be an effective way to drive home a point when paired with a second consequence. For example, rather than just writing lines, your wife can be made to write her lines while sitting in the corner. After washing your wife’s mouth out with soap, you can send her to the corner for a bit before she is allowed to rinse her mouth with water.

Cornertime Before SpankingECQXERp

If you’ve read by previous post on how to deliver a spanking, you already know that I advocate a brief time in the corner prior to spanking as a time for both you and your wife to get into the right mental state. If you plan on using an implement during the spanking, it can be especially effective to have your wife hold on to the implement during the pre-spanking cornertime.

Cornertime During a Spanking534743796

For longer spanking sessions, or for spankings that start with the hand but transition to an implement, breaking up the spanking with a cornertime in between can be an effective way to maximize the impact of the punishment.

Cornertime After Spanking254458_108611839229492_100002420284980_82907_1380831_n

Some couples also incorporate a brief cornertime after the spanking. For some couples, this is an effective way for everyone to collect their emotions after the spanking before transitioning into aftercare. For other couples, the wife requires immediate aftercare and reassurance which precludes a post-spanking time in the corner. My recommendation for beginners is to err on the side of caution and skip right to aftercare instead of using cornertime immediately after the spanking.

Action Plan

Use cornertime early and often, at the first sign of trouble. As a rule of thumb, if your cornertime to spanking ratio is at least 3 to 1, you are effectively using it to keep small problems from getting bigger. If you are not currently incorporating cornertime into your domestic discipline routine, or use it infrequently or only as part of another consequence, I would challenge you to start incorporating this incredibly effective tool into your repertoire using this action plan.

  1. Explain to your wife that from now on, your are going to start incorporating cornertime into your CDD routine.
  2. Show your wife how you expect her to be positioned during cornertime. Sitting or standing? Hands at her sides or behind her head? Which corner will you use? How will you let her know when she has earned cornertime?
  3. Perform a dry run – just a couple minutes, so that she can see what cornertime is like and you can answer any practical questions she might have.
  4. Go live! The next time you see an early warning sign, send your wife to the corner. She may be unhappy at the time, but will thank you for the larger consequence that she avoided through your proactive leadership.




How to Spank Your Wife: A Christian Domestic Discipline Spanking Primer

One of the fundamental features of a Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is that husbands are responsible for setting rules and guidelines, and delivering correction if those rules are broken.

There are a variety of punishments that can be used within a CDD marriage – time out, writing assignments, and more (which I will blog about soon). One of the most common consequences – and most controversial – is spanking.

Spankings are a common consequence in Christian Domestic Discipline marriages because they work! Spankings are intense enough to serve as a major deterrent, yet cause no lasting damage. They are significant enough to get the point through, while quick enough to put the issue to rest quickly.

Why write this post?

One of the interesting things I’ve noticed since starting this blog is the sheer volume of incoming Google traffic from people searching for advice on how to deliver a spanking in a Christian Domestic Discipline marriage.

Every couple is different, and as you progress in your CDD marriage you will figure out what works best for you. This post is intended to serve as a starting point to help you along your journey.

How to Spank Your Wife

Before the Spanking

Once you have determined that your wife has earned a spanking, the most important task at hand is getting both of you into the proper mindset.

Your goal is to be calm, purposeful, and resolved. You should never deliver a spanking when you are angry or upset. At the same time, once you’ve decided that a spanking is due, it is important that you do not allow yourself to be talked out of it. Your goal for your wife is that she be reflective, remorseful, and surrendered during the punishment.

In the heat of the moment initially after a rule is broken, neither of you are likely in the right state of mind. You are likely to be annoyed, angry, or upset. She is likely to be argumentative and quarrelsome.

An effective way to allow both of you to get into the right state of mind is by beginning the session with a brief time out. This time out should occur in the same location where the spanking will occur – I recommend your bedroom unless there is some logistical reason that makes this impossible.

In our house, this means that before a spanking punishment my wife will go stand facing the corner in our bedroom to quietly reflect on whatever rule she broke, while I spend time in prayer and preparation. After about 10 minutes has passed, I will calmly ask her to explain to me why she is about to be punished. If I receive a snarky, argumentative, or dismissive response, I’ll leave her there for another 10 minutes and try again. But in most cases, that first 10 minutes is plenty of time to get attitudes in check and allow us to both be in the right state of mind.

Getting Ready

At this point,  retrieve your wife from the corner and walk her over to where the spanking will occur. Prior to the spanking, you should bare her bottom – lifting up her skirt or lowering her pants (depending on what she is wearing), and then lowering her panties so her bottom is completely bare.

Next, guide her into position for the spanking. We normally use the classic over-the-knee position, where I will sit on the edge of the bed or in a chair, and then drape her over my lap. This position is highly recommend as it places your wife’s behind in the perfect position while also allowing you to easily keep her in position once the spanking begins.

At this point, your wife is in position with her bottom barred. Take advantage of this opportunity to deliver a brief lecture about the importance of whatever rule was broken, and why the forthcoming punishment is deserved. Once you are satisfied that you point has been made, the spanking begins.

Starting the Spanking

Everyone is different, and has a different level of pain tolerance. Some women can hardly stand a few slaps on the bottom, whereas others require a firm paddling to get the point across. Over time, you will develop a sense of what is effective with your own wife – but until that point, I recommend a progressive hand spanking that gradually increases in intensity.

Begin by striking your wife’s butt with your hand, using about 1/4 of your strength. Alternate cheeks, delivering a smack every couple seconds. Gradually increase the intensity until you reach a point where your wife is reacting to each swat.

After a few minutes, stop and take stock of the situation. Depending on your wife’s pain tolerance, it might be time to end the spanking, or it might be time to grab an implement like a hairbrush or wooden spoon to continue the spanking with more intensity.

Your goal is to continue spanking until you are confident that the lesson has been learned and that the behavior is unlikely to repeat itself.


Once you are satisfied that the spanking has been effective, you should transition from disciplinarian mode to comforter mode. Cuddle with your wife, use affirming words, and be there for her as she processes. Once you are satisfied that both of you are back in your normal mindset, gently remind her that you don’t expect her to break that rule again, and that all is forgiven – and mean it!

Christian Domestic Discipline Spanking



Setting Christian Domestic Discipline Rules

Rules are foundational in a Christian Domestic Discipline marriage. Rules are a way for the husband to set boundaries for his wife and clarify expectations within the marriage. Christian Domestic Discipline rules eliminate opportunities for misunderstandings and arguments.

Cascading Rules (General, Specific, Pinpoint)

There are multiple approaches on setting rules. The approach I’ve found works best for us is to use three cascading categories of rules – general rules, specific rules, and pinpoint rules.

General Rules: These are your “catch all” rules that cover an extremely broad range of possibilities even if a more specific rule doesn’t exist. A common set of general rules are the so-called 4Ds – disrespect, disobedience, dishonestly, and danger.

Specific Rules: There are times a CDD husband will want to call out a specific behavior as being off limits, even if that situation might be covered by the broader general rules.

Example: Jeff has forbidden his wife Brenda from texting while driving. Even though this would be covered by the”Nothing Dangerous” general rule, Jeff has called this out as a specific rule to emphasize its importance and eliminate any potential misunderstanding. 

Pinpoint Rules: While general rules and specific rules are long-term, a pinpoint rule allows a CDD husband to set an extremely specific rule for a finite time period. These rules tend to have a specific consequence assigned to them as well, and are often used when a couple decides to focus on improving a specific trouble spot.

Example: Jennifer has been procrastinating on a major project that she has due, and asks her husband Mark for help. Mark sets a pinpoint rule that Jennifer must complete a certain amount of work each day between now and the deadline.

Setting Rules

  1. Begin with the 4Ds – nothing dangerous, disrespectful, dishonest, or disobedient.
  2. Get your wife’s input on areas that she thinks having clear rules and guidelines would be helpful to her.
  3. Brainstorm your on list of areas where you think your wife would be helped by having a clear rule.
  4. Begin drafting your rules. Don’t worry about getting it perfect out of the gate. A great start is the 4Ds plus 3-5 specific rules. If there is a specific issue that is causing immediate problems, you might consider setting a pinpoint rule around that issue as well.
  5. Discuss the rules with your wife. Does she understand them all? Are there any areas that need clarification?
  6. Begin enforcing the rules.
  7. Add, change, or remove rules as you continue in your CDD journey.

Five Responsibilities of CDD Husbands

 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

1 Corinthians 16:13–14 (ESV)

There is a great deal of wisdom in Paul’s first letter to the church of God at Corinth that can be applied to all of a Christian’s life. I’ve found the passage about to serve as a helpful reminder of our responsibilities as a husband in a Christian Domestic Discipline marriage. We are exhorted to do five things:

Be Watchful

The kind of watchfulness described in this verse is not merely keeping an eye on, the way that you’d be watchful of your tire pressure. The Greek word used is γρηγορέω, which means a state of continuous readiness and alertness. It is a type of watchfulness that is active, vigilant, and prepared to take action.

Such is the job of a husband in a Christian Domestic Discipline relationship. We must not be on autopilot – we must be actively engage in what is happening in our marriage, purposefully guiding it and taking action when it gets off track.

Stand Firm in the Faith

As a Christian husband, our authority in our marriage does not come from ourselves. We are in authority because we are under authority – the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ. As 1 Corinthians 11 tells us, the head of a wife is her husband and the head of a husband is Christ.

We can only be as good a leader for our wives as we are a follower to our Lord. Time spent in the word and in prayer is essential for successfully fulfilling our duties.

Act Like Men

As counterculture as this may be to say, men and women are different. As men, the bible gives us specific commands that are for us, not our wives. We are to provide for our wives’ physical, emotional, and spiritual needs and lead our families well.

Men, we are to be leaders of our households. It’s no coincidence that the biblical qualifications for elders includes managing one’s own household well. This is not a responsibility that we can pawn off on our wife. We are accountable for leading well.

Be Strong

The strength referenced here isn’t merely physical strength. It’s a sort of resolve and resolute toughness that we see praised all throughout the book of Proverbs.

A CDD husband is firm when he must be. He protects his wife by establishing boundaries, and then applies correction when those boundaries are crossed. He recognizes the importance of following through, not allowing himself to be talked out of delivering discipline through pouting or pleading. He understands the bigger picture and his responsibility to see things through.

Let All That You Do Be Done In Love

If you read the secular world’s understanding of CDD, they always conveniently leave this part off. Christian Domestic Discipline is presented as a one sided affair where a husband barks orders and then spanks his wife for not saying, “Yes sir!”

The reality for the virtuous CDD husband is that sacrificial love for his wife leads all of his decisions. The rules that he establishes are not to enact his own preferences, but are rooted in what is best for his family. He doesn’t set rules that he himself will not follow. He puts her best interest first, and does everything out of love.






Welcome to Steel and Velvet, a new Christian Domestic Discipline blog.

Now, you might be thinking, “Does the world really need another CDD blog?”

While it is true that there are an abundance of Christian Domestic Discipline blogs, I’ve noticed that there are very few that are written by husbands for husbands. That’s not to denigrate all of the amazing CDD blogs written by women, but instead to point out a gap – there is very little practical, instructional CDD content for men that is written from the perspective of a man.

Wives, you are absolutely welcome here. My hope is that you find the content here helpful. I especially hope that this blog becomes a valuable resource for wives who are bringing up the idea of CDD to their husbands.

My wife and I have been practicing CDD for 15+ years. It is my prayer that the lessons that I’ve learned during that time can bless your marriage too.